Art & images

The Pink Dildo Oddyssey

Stone toys and other artifacts offer evidence about how early humans made things, how they lived, interacted with their surroundings, and craved for pleasure over time.

Spanning the past 2.6 million years, many thousands of archeological sites have been excavated, studied, and dated. These sites often consist of the accumulated debris from making and using stone toys. Because stone toys are less susceptible to destruction than bones, stone artifacts typically offer the best evidence of where and when early humans lived, their geographic dispersal, and their ability to find pleasure in a variety of habitats. But since multiple hominin species often existed at the same time, it can be difficult to determine which species made the toys at any given site.

Most important is that stone tools provide evidence about the technologies, dexterity, particular kinds of mental skills, and innovations and quest for pleasure that were within the grasp of early human toymakers.

This exhibition is an overview of the influence of one particular artifact, the Pink Dildo, on the evolution of our civilisation.

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*     *     *     The Past     *     *     *

Origins

The Pink Dildo appeared one day, in a distant past.

It triggered cognitive faculties and the emergence of Homo Habilis.

The apparition of the Pink Dildo shows that Evolution thrives towards ecstasy and vaster orgasms.

Early Experiments

Soon after its apparition, the Pink Dildo was already emitting it's subtle influence on the still rudimentary human psyche.

The first experiments were hazardous, as there was still no elaborated knowledge to differentiate between pleasure and pain.

Artefact N° 1

One of the earliest sextoys, dating approx. the same period as the apparition of the original megalith. This rarity was discovered in the remains of a neanderthalian lady’s hand bag in a cave, near Bagdhad.

Insecurity

At the dawn of mankind, the Pink Dildo was considered as a threat and affront to manliness, causing many dramas. The problem is still not solved today.

Ignorance

Even after millenia of education, a majority of males still ignore the proper - and sacred - use of the Pink Dildo. To solve this ongoing issue, the human species is gradually evolving towards hermaphrodism.  

Sanctuary

In many ancient cultures, women created sisters sanctuaries fo find relief from the constant struggle specific to patriarchal societies.

These gatherings are considered to be the first occurrences of Tupperware parties. 

Fake Education

To prevent any blossoming of women which would cause the loss of patriarchic power, religious authorities have invented all kinds of fables around birth. 

We would be born in cabbages, roses, or brought by storks. As for Venus, she would have been born in a shell. 

Ingenuity

The Pink Dildo is also the source of many artistic endeavours. 

Pandora's Box

The myth of Pandora is attributed to Hesiod, who was afraid of women. It conveys the idea of “Any source of great and unexpected troubles”, or “A present which seems valuable but which in reality is a curse”.

A peculiar way to consider women’s pleasure.  

The Medusa

As an artefact of pleasure, the Pink Dildo can sometimes have weird effects on sensible minds, specially during times of intense religious stupidity. 

Caravaggio’s nightmarish visions of female seduction shows the danger of letting frustrated beings dictate the roadmap to heaven.

Misappropriations

The story of Leda and the Dildoswan illustrates how, in history, elements of truth have been manipulated for the personal agenda of unscrupulous entities.

This being said, Leda enjoyed it. 

A Good Intention

Manners evolve, slowly, and often thanks to art, as in this ancient image of the Vitruvian Woman.  Alas, the artist has demonstrated his ignorance; a single Pink Dildo is more than enough.

Counterfaits

The counterfeit of Pink Dildos is as old  as commerce itself. Some unscrupulous merchants have even painted cucumbers in pink and sold them as  Pink Dildos.

A word of caution: only genuine Pink Dildo can lead you to ecstasy. 

Mona Lisa

Da Vinci’s famous model posing for an advertisement for the Pink Dildo. Lisa tried to explain the effects of the Pink Dildo to Leonardo, without success: he was obsessed with the idea of building a flying machine. 

Mars Disarmed by Venus

Another fascinating aspect of the Pink Dildo: its utilisation as an instrument of peace and harmony. Mars was specially interested to see how Venus used it, to the point of forgetting his weapons. However, he still prefers to play with his penis.

Life in the Harem

Life during the golden age of the caliphates was challenging for the women living in the harems. The Pink Dildos were strictly forbidden, women being the toys of the males in power. 

This led to surprising experiments. 

The Lost & Found Office

To attract the favors of Cleopatra who often mislaid her Pink Dildos, Julius Caesar invented the first lost and found office. Unfortunately too much bureaucracy ruined this great initiative.   

Ste-Sophia Underground Baths

In Constantinople, while their bearded husbands were doing their evening prayers, the women were enjoying a moment of serenity in the basements of Ste-Sophia Cathedral.

First a Byzantine temple, then a mosque, Ste-Sophia was transformed into a museum before becoming a mosque again very recently, for reasons more political than religious. 

The Anatomy Lesson

A totally absurd scientific experiment. Asked, a woman explained to Dr. Tulp that the Pink Dildo had to be inserted to have any effect. The stupid man tried to repeat the experiment while respecting the scientific procedures.

Sustainability

The Middle Age was another difficult time for women. Batteries were horribly expensive and scarce. The clever women who managed to recharge the batteries with self-made solar panels were burned at the stake. 

Adversity

For a long time, the Heaven Bureau of Investigation has considered the widespread usage of the Pink Dildo as a direct threat to their business model for Ascension.

Agents disguised as Seraphims were sent to Earth to confiscate these instruments of lust. 

Power games

The lust for power has led some men to steal Pink Dildo, hoping that used as a scepter, it would consolidate their authority. It never worked, but half the population had a good laugh. 

Catholic Hegemony

The year 325 was an annus horribilis. Constantine organized the first council of Nicea - all mentions of reincarnation and of the Pink Dildo influence were  expunged from the Sacred Scriptures.

It was a very cold winter, but Constantine cut the electricity in all households, for obvious reasons.

Made in China

Already in the 14th century Ming dynasty, Chinese traders tried to take over the Pink Dildo world market with exotic toys of various shapes and functions.

Their strategy was a failure, none of these toys possessed the magical qualities of the authentic Pink Dildo.

Nymphs and satyrs

History was written by men, usually by the victors. Myths and legends also, as this painting shows. 

It is assumed that the nymphs crave the satyr, yet he is beaten up for attempting to steal a Pink Dildo.

The Slave Market

Women have always been used for unworthy work, first as slaves, then as wage laborers, a civilized version of slavery. At the time, they even had to deposit their Pink Dildo in the boss's office during working hours.

Female Hysteria

During the Victorian period and thanks to the new advances of science, women’s sexual desires were diagnosed as hysteria. Scared and confused, the medical profession did various experiments to solve this annoying problem.

Death, This Ultimate Enemy

The fear of death stems from an absurd belief that it is impossible to take your Pink Dildo with you to the Beyond - but which makes you laugh when you have passed to the other side.

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*     *     *     Celebrations     *     *     * 

Crowd waiting the opening of the Pink Dildo Festival
Isle of Dildos, circa 2350 BC

 

Oreades taking off to join the Pink Dildo Festival
Isle of Dildos, circa 2350 BC 

 

A group of pilgrims that will miss the Pink Dildo Festival
Near Isle of Dildos, circa 2350 BC 

 

The Pink Dildo Festival
Isle of Dildos, circa 2350 BC. 

 

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*     *     *     The Present     *     *     *

The Scottish Stratagem

Manners were particularly prudish during the reign of Mary Stuart. Women who did not deny their natural impulses had to use complex stratagems to keep their precious Pink Dildos. 

Telephone Switchboard

 

In the early days of telecommunications, small Pink Dildos were used as connectors. It was proven that it made the conversations more pleasurable.

With the invention of microchips, this use was abandoned. Do motherboards feel pleasure?

 

Artefact N° 3
The first motherboard who had an orgasm

 La Belle Epoque

In Paris, during the Belle Epoque (~ 1870), the upper part of the sidewalk posts were decorated with Pink Dildos. These were all stolen and sold on the black market during the 1929 crisis.

Battersea Power Station

 

In the original plans for the Battersea power station, huge Pink Dildos replaced the current chimneys. This was to help reduce carbon pollution and diffuse aphrodisiac particles in the London sky. 

Renovation

 

After years of intense lobbying, UNESCO has finally listed the Pink Dildo as a World Heritage Symbol. Various monuments are being renovated.

Stop Corrida!

Animal welfare movements finally succeeded in abolishing the cruel treatment of bulls. The people clamoring for bread and games, a new form of entertainment has been developed.

Pop Art

 

The Pink Dildo also inspired underground artists in the sixties, giving rise to a flowering of new artistic expressions. Yes, the dildo in the illustration is yellow, but Andy Warhol was color blind.

Pilgrimages

In Catholic countries, pilgrimages to the Madonna of the Pink Dildo are still common today, in the hope of regaining fertility or a lost love.

Interstellar Incident

In 1949, an armada of extraterrestrial ships attempted to take over the planetary stock of Pink Dildos. They were quickly defeated. For obscure reasons, they later named the place of the main battle “Area 69”. 

Relay Race

 

After having suffered numerous criticisms of the machismo of its leaders, the Olympic Committee made amends by introducing a new discipline, the relay race at the Dildo Rose.

Of course, this discipline is strictly reserved for women. 

Independance Day

 

An organization belonging to the conservative right wing has tried to add the Pink Dildo to the Cheerleaders' equipment. Quickly abandoned, this initiative raised waves of protest and gave birth to the #donttouchmydildo movement.

Foosball Game

 

During the 1994 foosball competition, an athlete surreptitiously replaced the figures with Pink Dildos, and won the competition. She subsequently lost her title, this practice having been considered doping

The Vatican Trick

Faced with an avalanche of sex scandals within the Church and hoping to divert the attention of the faithful, the governing bodies of the Vatican ordered the use of candles reminiscent of Pink Dildos during the celebrations.

The ordination of women remains prohibited.

Social Unrest

To fight the increasingly intolerable injustices, many minorities formed protest movements, without realising that this accentuated the phenomena of division even more. Fortunately, the Pink Dildo made it possible to reconcile the differences.

Collective Alienation

Coming out of confinement, several influential groups began to attack the symbols of their ideas of evil, debunking statues, wanting to rename places ... blind to the fact that you do not wash your face by cleaning the mirror. 

The Attack of the Dildo Van

This rare image shows the famous “Attack of the Dildo Van”. After the 2020 lockdown, most governments forbade the use of Pink Dildos.

This was the final mistake of the elites, and led to the now well-known Pink Dildo Revolution.

Star Tricks

 

To give a new patriotic impulse and counterbalance the damages of the 2020 lockdown, the US government launched a new space program, “Fly me to the stars”. The rocket never worked, due to insoluble problems of vibrations.

Dildoscooter

The big megacities were paralysed by traffic. Taking advantage of the declassification of anti-gravity and free energy patents, major automotive groups have flooded the market with Flying Dildoscooters. It only moved the problem to the air.

A Desperate Move

In a desperate attempt to perpetuate their vision of global health, the pharmaceutical lobbies have influenced the WHO to have the organization regulate the use of Pink Dildos. The resulting popular uprising remains in all memories.

A Pandemic of Ecstasy

This most surprising mutation of the Pink Dildo appeared in the mid 2020’s. The baffled scientists said: “It’s the virus that heals everything!” 

 

Artefact N° 4
Rare mutation of the Pink Dildo

Enough is Enough!

 

After millennia of oppression, misery and suffering, the truth had to come out. All over the world, women and men unplugged from  an outdated psychic software, stating that "enough is enough!" Humanity was taking its first steps into a new era.

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*     *     *     The Future     *     *     * 

Coming Full Circle

Initiated with the apparition of a Pink Dildo monolith, the species history has come full circle. 

Today, finally reconciled with their natural impulses, human beings are ready for new adventures: seeding distant worlds with Pink Dildo artefacts, catalysing the emergence of bliss in new species.

 

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*     *     *     Biology & Botanics     *     *     *

Sand Crabs

 

Sand crabs are very fond of Pink Dildos.

A Legend

 

In the first hours of the summer solstice, legend has it that young women with a pure heart and unbridled imagination may find young shoots of daffodildos in iris beds.

 

 

Over-ripened Pink Dildos in their natural setting

 

 

 Mediterranean Pink Dildo Cactus

Modified Rhinos

 

To prevent the slaughter of rhinos under the false pretext that their horn is an aphrodisiac, genetically modified species have been introduced into Africa.

Oddly enough, these modified rhinos quickly became the favorite pets of African women.

 

*     *     *     Ambre Singh     *     *     *

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Ambre Singh’s interest in anthropodildology dates from a past life in ancient Greece. In this lifetime, as Herodildotus (Greek historian who lived in the 400s bc), she was the first known thinker to explore the historical and philosophical aspects of human nature, as well as the organisation of human society. She wrote widely on concepts that would later become central to anthropodildology. In the book History in Pink, Herododildotus described the thirst for bliss of various peoples of the Mediterranean bassin.

In her seminal work “The formative influence of sextoys on social health”, she later examined how the Pink Dildo affected the environmental, sociological, psychological, and economic factors of society, as well as the rise and fall of civilisations. Her remarkably objective, analytic, ethnographic descriptions of the Pink Dildo’s impact in the Mediterranean world are still considered a reference.

 

*     *     *     Informations     *     *     *

The first public display of The Pink Dildo exhibition has taken place in August 2020 in the NoirWen Estates, in Second Life.

A big thank you to Belice Benoir and Nieu, who insisted to exhibit my works. My thanks goes also to Marq and Nicole Verlaine for their unbridled enthusiasm and for creating the Ambre Singh Fan Club.

Of course I also thank all my models for shamelessly accept to participate to my silly projects. 

And last but not least, my gratitude to my friends, fans groupies, suitors, admirers for believing in me, or for pretending to do so while gazing at my nipples.

Ambre Singh
 

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